The Mixed Bathhouse
by Bloody Simpson Chibi
Summary: What happens when a mixed bathhouse opens up in the Hidden Leaf Village? Let's just say, it draws perverts in like flies. Rated T for rude comedy


**The Mixed ****Bathhouse**

**by BloodySimpsonChibi**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

"Alright! It's ramen time!" Naruto cried happily as he began his meal. It was just another day in the Hidden Leaf Village and Naruto was once again enjoying some ramen at Ichiraku. The only other patrons in the shop with him were two men talking. Naruto paid them no mind as he slurped the last of his ramen until he heard something that caught his interest.

"So dude, you hear about that new bathhouse opening up in this village?" One of the men asked the other.

"Yeah." His friend answered. "I hear it's a mixed bathhouse as well."

"What does that mean?"

"It means men and women bathe together."

Naruto felt his heart race at those words. "Bathe together?" He thought. With a mischievous grin, Naruto paid Teuchi and began making his way to where he heard the men say the bathhouse was. After a few minutes of walking, he found it. It was a big red building with a huge doorway making up the entrance. The sign above the entrance read "_Hidden Leaf Mixed Bathhouse_

"Well it has been a while since I had a good soak." Naruto smirked as he approached the doorway.

* * *

Sakura was enjoying an iced tea in front of the tea shop when she noticed Naruto walking by. She tried to say hi but the knuckleheaded ninja didn't seem to hear her. He looked distracted.

"What's that moron up too?" Sakura finished her drink and started to follow Naruto, taking care not to let him know he was being followed. Sakura wasn't sure were Naruto was going but the mischievous look on his face told her he was up to no good. When Naruto finally stopped, Sakura could not believe what she was seeing. It was the mixed bathhouse that had just opened up. Now Naruto's pervy smile made since.

"Naruto! You dirty peeping tom!" Sakura growled. "Why I odda..." But then a thought occurred to Sakura. "But why would Naruto want to go to a mixed bathhouse? There will be guys there...handsome guys...with big abs.." Sakura blushed at the thought but quickly shook her head in frustration. "No! Bad Sakura! Don't think things like that. You're better than that!" Sakura's inner conflict was cut short when she realized Naruto was heading into the bathhouse.

"I better follow him." She thought. "But only to make sure he doesn't peep on any girl! Totally not to peep on the boys." and with that, Sakura entered the bathhouse.

* * *

Konohamaru was practicing his Sexy no Jutsu near the woods. He had been training all day, trying to capture that one good transformation he did a while back. But ever since then, he had only been able to transform into a fat lady.

"Darn it!" Konohamaru shouted in frustration. "I'll never get that jutsu right." He sat under a tree and thought for a moment. "I need to think like Naruto if I'm ever gonna master this jutsu. Let's see. What would Naruto do?" As Konohamaru contemplated this, two women were walking near him and chatting.

"So are you gonna visit that new mixed bathhouse?" One woman asked the other.

"Oh no! The idea of bathing with men is just too embarrassing!"

Konohamaru couldn't help but overhear the conversation and it gave him an idea. "A mixed bathhouse? Hey! Maybe if I see what an actual naked lady looks like, I'll finally master the Sexy no Jutsu!" Konohamaru was about to run off to the bathhouse when a voice shouted from behind him.

"Konohamaru! Where do you think you're going?"

Konohamaru turned around and saw Ebisu standing in front of him.

"Ebisu-Sensei" Konohamaru exclaimed. "I was...uh...I was just...going to get some ramen from Ichiraku's! Yeah!" Konohamaru ran off before Ebisu could interrogate him further.

"That brat!" Ebisu said. "I wonder where he's really headed. Ebisu ran after Konohamaru but despite his best efforts, he could not find him anywhere.

"How did he get away from me so easily?" Ebisu wondered. He was walking back to the school in defeat, he noticed that he was standing next to the new mixed bathhouse.

"Well, I do need something to calm my nerves." Ebisu rationalized. "I'm sure Konohamaru will be fine." Ebisu stepped inside the bathhouse, dirty thoughts running through his mind.

* * *

"And as wrapped his arms around her warm body he whispered, "I'll never leave your side." The end." Kakashi sighed heavily as he closed the latest release for the Make-Out Paradise series. "Now I'll have to wait several months for the next one." Kakashi put the book away and began walking. "What am I going to do until then?"

While caught in his stupor, Kakashi accidentally bumped into Might Guy.

"Ooof! Oh sorry Guy." Kakashi apologized.

"No apology needed Kakashi." Guy beamed as he winked and gave Kakashi a thumbs up. I was just coming back from the new bathhouse that just opened up in the Leaf."

"A new bathhouse?" Kakashi asked. "This is the first I've heard of it."

"Yeah it's great. The water's warm. The staff are friendly. Only thing that troubles me are the girls."

"Girls? Isn't there a wall or something to separate the men and women?"

"Nope. It's a mixed bathhouse. Men and women bathe together. I don't mind that part. The women were nice enough but I wished more of them talked about training and less about their book club...Kakashi?"

"Wha? Oh. Um. That's great to hear...um.."

"Well anyway, I gotta train Lee and the others. See ya Kakashi!"

"Yeah. See ya." Guy left, leaving Kakashi in another stupor.

"A mixed bathhouse? Could there really be such a thing?" Kakashi looked around to make sure no one was looking and started walking in the direction that Guy came from. In a few minutes, he had arrived at the bathhouse and sure enough, the sign said it was mixed.

"To think that such a place really exist in the Leaf." Kakashi couldn't help but blush a little although it was hidden behind his mask. "No I couldn't!" He thought. "I have a reputation that would be ruined if people knew I visited a place like this. I have to resist temptation and turn awa-"

"So I said, for the last time, the middle finger is not a ninja sign!" Asuma was talking with Kurenai as they both walked pasted Kakashi.

"Oh no!" In his moment of shame and panic, Kakashi dashed inside the bathhouse to hide from the two shinobi. Asuma turned around as he thought he heard something but when he could not find anything, he shrugged it off and continued walking with Kurenai.

* * *

"So you weren't able to find any information on the Akatsuki?" Tsunade asked Jiraiya.

"Other than that Itachi likes eating dango, I got nothing." Jiraiya replied.

Tsunade pinched her nose and sighed out of frustration. "All right well I got paperwork to do so you're dismissed." With a wave of her hands, she sent him out of her office."

Jiraiya shrugged off Tsunade's disappointment and started to leave. "I wonder what I should write for the next Make-Out Paradise book. I'll need some more inspiration."

"So Lady Tsunade." Shizune beamed. "You ready to head to that mixed bathhouse after work?"

Jiraiya's ears perked up.

"Of course, I could use a good soak after all this boring paperwork." Tsunade whined. "I don't even mind that it's mixed."

Jiraiya didn't say anything. He didn't even breathe. He just formed a hand sign he perfected for times like this and in an instant, he was in front of the bathhouse Tsunade was talking about.

"There really is a mixed bathhouse in the village!" Jiraiya exclaimed triumphantly, barely holding back tears of joy. "My prayers have been answered!"

His nose already beginning to bleed, Jiraiya wasted no time entering the building. "Best to take care of my work before Tsunade gets here." He thought. "I'd like to live to see 60 after all."

Jiraiya paid the fee at the front counter and a pretty dark-haired woman led him to the changing room. He quickly got undressed and wrapped himself up in a towel.

"I am ready for some inspiration!"

* * *

Naruto entered the bath with excitement. As he was told, other people might be joining him soon. That was just fine with Naruto, especially if those other people happened to be girls. "I wonder if I can improve my Sexy-no-Jutsu like this." he thought. After a few minutes of enjoying the hot water, he heard the door open. Naruto opened his eyes and saw a familiar face approaching the bath.

"Sakura?" Naruto asked.

"N-Naruto!?" Sakura looked surprised although less surprised then she probably should be in this situation.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto asked.

"Just trying to have a soak. Is that a problem?" Sakura challenged.

"N-No! Not at all!"

"Well good!"

"Good."

Naruto and Sakura sat in the shared bath, keeping to themselves although both would steal a glance at the other's body every now and then. Other than that, everything was going well until Naruto heard the door opened. He turned around but whoever had entered the room immediately hid (very poorly) behind a potted plant. Naruto could already tell who it was by their hair.

"Konohamaru?" He asked. Found out, Konohamaru stepped out from behind the plant. Sakura blushed and crouched deeper into the water to hide her body from the child.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto demanded.

"Well...I've been practicing my Sexy-no-Jutsu for awhile now but I just can't seem to get it right. Then I heard about this mixed bathhouse and I figured that maybe seeing real naked girl will help me improve the jutsu so I snuck in."

"You need help to improve the Sexy-no-Jutsu? Why didn't you just ask me?" Naruto beamed. "I'd be more than happy to help."

"Really?" Konohamaru's eyes widened with excitement.

"Sure! Now the first thing you should do is-"

"THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF THING YOU SHOULD BE TEACHING LITTLE KIDS NARUTO!" Sakura shouted as she grabbed Naruto and threw him against the wall as Konohamaru watched in horror. Just then, the door opened again.

"Ladies I-" Ebisu, wearing nothing but a towel, hat and glasses. He stopped in his tracks at seeing Konohamaru with a naked Sakura and a naked Naruto embedded in the wall.

"Eeeeeek!" Sakura cried out as she sank deeper into the water. Konohamaru just stood there and smiled nervously.

"KONOHAMARU!" Ebisu yelled what are you doing in a mixed bathhouse? Shouldn't you be training?"

"Well what are you doing in a mixed bathhouse? Shouldn't you be teaching or something?" Konohamaru fired back.

Ebisu turned pink in the face and started sweating profusely. "Well I..uh..."

The door opened again and this time it was Kakashi who walked in. He was wearing a smaller version of his normal mask. "As long as nobody I know sees me here, it'll be okay." Kakashi opened his one uncovered eye and watched as Naruto peeled off the wall, Sakura's head stuck out of the water and Ebisu and Konohamaru were standing in front of him"

"K-Kakashi-Sensei?" Naruto asked as he got up. "What are you doing here?"

"...Look over there! It's Sasuke!"

"What!? Where?" Naruto looked behind himself real fast but only saw his shape bent into the wall."

"Hey that's not-"

But Kakashi was already gone.

"What the hell?"

"Naruto!" Sakura cried. "Could you please get back in the water? I can see your..."

Naruto panicked and jumped into the water, splashing Konohamaru and Ebisu.

"Hey watch it!" Ebisu shouted. "Come on Konohamaru, it's time to go...Konohamaru?"

"You'll have to catch me first!" Konohamaru shouted as he dove into the water.

"Why you little!" Ebisu dived right in after him, startling Naruto and Sakura.

"Hey guys!" Naruto said. "Calm down please." Sakura on the other hand was getting angry and embarrassed.

As this chaos was going on, the door opened again and Jiraiya stepped in, happy as a calm.

"Time for some sweet inspiration!" He chirped. He opened his eyes just in time to see Ebisu's naked butt flying toward him. The teacher crashed into Jiraiya and the two mentors went flying right through a wall. The foundation of the mixed bathhouse began to crumple and the building collapsed. Naruto, Sakura, and Konohamaru, who were amazingly unhurt.

"I think you lost your temper again Sakura." Naruto groaned.

"What is going on here!?"

Naruto and Sakura turned around and saw a very angry lady Tsunade and a very saddened Shizune glaring at them. "Explain yourself!"

"You're on your own." Konohamaru shouted as he jumped of the water and ran.

"Konohamaru! You little shi-

"Naruto...Sakura.." Tsunade growled as she cracked her knuckles.

Naruto and Sakura huddled together in fear at their impending doom.

And that's the story of how a bunch of perverted idiots destroyed the Hidden Leaf Mixed Bathhouse.

_**THE END**_


End file.
